there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
