Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
