Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
God, I missed his penis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize