I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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