My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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