hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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