Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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