I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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