if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
