I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
