ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
