I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
