the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
