before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
