sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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