the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
