It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
