The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
