Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
