I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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