I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My dick has a subreddit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
