your room smells of hookers.
And success
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
