he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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