I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
