listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
