It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
