Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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