when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize