just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A bitchslap is in order.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
