My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
