Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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