Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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