after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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