I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
