had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
