Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize