God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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