where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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