cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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