I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
