I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
