you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
