I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
