The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
