Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
