i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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