you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
