I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
