she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
