she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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