So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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