Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
