I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
