is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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