God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
