I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
