Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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