I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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