So gin and wine won't be happening again
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There r osticjed everywhere
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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