Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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