he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
