The maid of honor just puked.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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