So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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