Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
