I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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