I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
