Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
