my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
