i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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