do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
