My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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