so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
