meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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