Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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