Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
