Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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