Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
not ubering you a puppy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
