oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
