I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
