She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
