I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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